CES: The Smart Kitchen: Profound or a Slippery Slope

Matthew Torino January 7, 2011 0

To start this admittedly dumb article, I'd just like to say that I have an irrational fear of robot overlords eventually taking over the world once they gain the human ability to love. Then they'll just replace us and live their lives with us as slaves if they even let us live. However, so far we've lorded over the non-thinking machines and had them do our bidding. But with LG's new smart kitchen, is the line beginning to blur?


With the new smart kitchen innovations introduced by LG at CES 2011 yesterday, they are trying to introduce Whirlpool-Whirlpool and consumer electronics into the appliance world with the addition of a Whirlpool exec who seemed pretty charismatic to be honest. So maybe he knows what he's doing. But they are giving kitchen appliances the ability to be accessed over wi-fi to have the ability to communicate with their owners and always do things in a robotic way. Cookies will always be baked the exact same way and the roast will always be medium rare. Delicious AND cultured.


They're taking the human element out of cooking and washing which many like myself who can't do either of these well ever will gladly welcome. But there is the matter of pride of cooking things the right way and then always striving, but never succeeding, at doing it again. But I sound like one of those old fogies who wants umpires to blow perfect games because they favor the human element. Sorry Armando.

But something far more sinister is clearly going on. LG, since nobody seems to know what the acronym stands for, obviously stands for Long Gone as in the human race's chance to stop the robot overlords. They're obviously being run by sentient refrigerators that are taking the first steps to taking down the human race with the ability to text their masters that the casserole is half way done. They WOULD invent the first ever charismatic and charming washing machine executive. 

We've all obviously seen AI. A classic really. But what it really is was a wakeup call. When robots obtain the ability to love, things go haywire such as the robot human relation dynamic and our faith in Senor Spielbergo. This could just be the first step in a slippery slope to the point where the fridge is telling us when we're out of pepper jack cheese. OH WAIT. That's what this fridge does. Chilling.

Soon they'll be telling us what we're going to have for dinner and then want to join us at the table and then say grace themselves. Then they'll invite the toaster and the waffle maker and then even the can opener. It'll just be everything with electrical power having Thanksgiving dinner. They'll be part of your family and feel what it's like to have this dynamic in their lives. Then they'll obviously try to have their own  families by adopting other appliances and treating Junior to ice cream and taking him to preschool somehow.

Soon they'll have their own schools and then they'll have to be part of  the Civil Rights movement x2 and it'll just snowball from their. Once they invent wheels and make technology to make themselves think, we're done for.

People depend on these items ranging from iPods to washing machines but soon they could very well be living on their own before we eventually wage war. All's I can say is we better get Bill Pullman on our side.

We're winning right now, but with innovations like the smart kitchen and who knows what to come from Whirlpool and whoever else, the kitchen could take over. This could be the beginning of the end.

By the way if anyone from LG or any other company reads this, it's obviously a joke and a crude one at that. I'll try to be funnier next time but I'm sure the smart kitchen is going to be fantastic and you should send me a fridge.

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