Well it’s that time of year again. It’s the initial leg of the Horse Racing Triple Crown with the 2011 Kentucky Derby kicking off at 6:24 EST today on NBC. Sure it may interrupt far superior NHL playoff games as it sometimes does, but this is THE SPORT OF KINGS. Too bad if you’re a gambler, you probably don’t know which horse to pick. So we’re here to show you which!
The only horse going in that I’d heard of is Uncle Mo. He’s scratched and that’s the only reason I’ve heard of him so don’t bet on him. Also see who the favorite is…don’t pick him. I’m too lazy to look it up and that guy’s not going to win anyway. The only time I knew who the favorite was was when George Steinbrenner’s horse was the favorite while the Yankees were doing badly and they were afraid the team would be blown up if he lost. He did…and nothing happened.
Go look who has the second best odds. Don’t pick him either. None of the analysts have any idea going into the Derby and there’s always some horse that comes out of nowhere. Sure there may not be transcendent heroes like Barbaro every year but we should just pick one with a crazy name.
Let’s go to Twitter first though and see what the people are saying. This is after all a technology, not OTB website.
OK that didn’t work. People are talking about the fancy hats and the mint juleps and such. Just to be clear, this thing’s going to put the Royal Wedding to shame in terms of headwear.
But anyway Uncle Mo’s getting the most Twitter buzz according to Mashable. Whoops. Pat Forde had him ruled out a few days ago. Next is Pants on Fire. Awesome name but he’s now the presumable favorite so he’s out.
Going down the list, I think I found my man though: Mucho Macho Man. While surely not Randy Savage and Miss Elizabeth in a horse suit, I assume it will try to sell me Slim Jims afterwards. But I think winning’s enough. That’s just an awesome name.
Therefore, through Twitter, I’ve determined that the winner of the 2011 Kentucky Derby will be Mucho Macho Man. Mark it down.
No I have no idea if this horse is injured, a headcase or anything like that. I have no idea if this horse even exists but take my word for it.
Oh and by the way, Sarah Jessica Parker isn't racing today. One assumes she hurt a hoof or something.