No that title isn't supposed to make me out to be some kind of pedophile. You can find enough people doing that by just searching Google for Rebecca Black. I'll give you a few seconds now to do that…I hope 4chan was interesting. But what we're here to discuss of course is extremely serious: how the Internet has launched Rebecca Black to a level of stardom that otherwise would have been impossible to have been attained.
As I previously argued in my Justin Bieber treatise, the Internet has the ability that all other mediums lack: it can take random people and make them stars. In order to get a TV show or be in a movie, you have to have some kind of profile prior to its production. Not so with the Internet. Just look at Rebecca Black.
She's apparently just a random 13 year old girl whose voice has been autotuned to hell (so she clearly can't actually sing I presume) and sings possibly the dopiest song in the history of pop music. And this is a world where this exists. Rebecca Black has taken unintentional comedy to an entirely new level and we're still ascending. The video was at about 17 million views as of this writing and is poised to ascend over 20 by the time you read this.
If you haven't seen the video yet, be prepared to see the dumbest thing on Earth. If you thought the Backstreet Boys and Britney Spears were terrible, just wait until you see Rebecca Black. It's clearly an attempt by the vaunted Ark Music Factory to make a run at Justin Bieber. But at least he can actually sing. She cannot. And the worst part is that this company apparently just churns out girls Black's age and autotunes them to hell as well. WHAT TERROR HAVE YOU WROUGHT BIEBER???
Groups like these used to be out of the public consciousness and only seen on the Disney Channel like Dreamstreet and all those other stupid bands but because of Biebs, the JoBros and Miley, the tweens are taking over. Teenie Boppers bands like All Time Low are taking over the music scene and it all culminates in this.
The video has been sent around via sites like 4chan, YouTube, blogs, Twitter (where it's been a trending topic for about a week) and Facebook. Through these internet mediums, the video has spread like wildfire with no clear end in sight.
Sure Rebecca's career will fizzle out in probably a week but Facebook groups like "That Awkward Moment When Rebecca Black Doesn't Know Which Seat to Take" are going to try to keep it going. People named Rebecca are changing their internet monikers to "Rebecca Black." It's gonna keep going probably for another week and then we'll all forget about this.
Tosh.0 will tear it up and so will other shows but once those moments pass, like everything else on the Internet, Rebecca Black will fade into obscurity.
But hopefully Fat Usher will land some kind of record deal out of this. I'm pretty sure he has the presence of Biggie with the rhyming skills of Tupac. Who doesn't love a rap about buses and "RB; Rebecca Black." That man's a god with words.
Stay tuned to pnosker.com for all your tech news and reviews and follow me on Twitter @mtorino75 for updates on the site as well as the future career of Fat Usher.